What do you wait for?

Been a long while!

Hello lovers. To those who consistently read my blog posts and those reading for the first time, I really do appreciate your stay with me. Y’all have been so so amazing and supportive and I love you guys so freaking much. If you’re new to this blog, please do read my previous blog posts here.

this song has been on repeat since its release ❤

I actually do miss blogging more than anything and my ardent readers. It’s been close to 2 months and it feels like years to me. Not that I ignored this blog intentionally, but I had to do certain things. School was part of it. Last semester was one of the worst semesters since my stay in UNILAG. Mass communication department stressed the hell out of me, it dragged me, my mental health was on the line, I even fell sick in the process. Everyone knew that the whole 300 level students were suffering. Bulky assignments and materials kept piling up, we still had to think of assignments during and after exams and we didn’t get enough time to read for our exams. I kept on asking my self if going to school was actually necessary because everything that happened last semester was bull to me.

Fortunately for me, and since I’m so blessed, I’m still standing hale and hearty. Thank God.

This girl is now in her final year, and I can’t be more than grateful to God for bringing me this far. For not losing me and my friends.

This year has to be my darkest year. I have had several things that have affected me greatly. My whole life is not how it’s supposed to be. I’ve had several breakdowns (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically) and stood up again. I had lots of mood swings than I’ve ever had. I had a panic attack and got into depression at some point. I fell in love and fell out of love and fell in love again lol. It felt as if my world was in great shambles.

To make it worse, I lost my cousin to a school protest. It was very traumatic for me. I hated him, I hated the fact that he had a choice, but he didn’t take it. I hated myself for not been there for him. I hated the whole system. I was furious and disappointed in this system. I kept asking my self about “whys” and limiting my thinking to “ifs”. The event kept on recurring in my head. I was in the state of deja vu for days, like I was in the moment he got shot. I kept on punishing myself for something that can never change.

It was not until I talked to my friends, Cornelia and Temileyi at some point that I became calm. I understood that I don’t have to punish myself for what has happened. I understood that living my best life is the best revenge. They’ve been a great influence in my life and I really appreciate them. I’ve had a lot going on for me this year and I honestly can’t wait for 2020 already.

Anyway, yes. I’m back. I think.

I’ve learnt that I’m just going to have to adapt, else I won’t be able to do all the things I love. I can’t have that. Like is said, I miss y’all. I miss writing here. I miss expressing myself. That’s why I’m back. It’s not just because I’ve seen other writers pick up their shit.

I’d like to admit that it was a bit of motivation, especially when my friend, Olashore Temitope sent me what I wrote about motivation itself. I took it upon myself to stop procrastinating and stop being lazy.

I knew I couldn’t disappoint then.

So, here I am.

What exactly do you wait for?

Love, freedom, life, better life, healing and all those words.

What if I tell you I am waiting for all to appear together. A moment when nothing stays yet lasts you a lifetime. I cannot say life is good, I cannot say life is bad. All I can say is that life is beautiful and unfolding, but I am still waiting, waiting for that one day when I can make it on my own when I can wear my crown and no longer frown.

I’m waiting for that one moment where the pain, the hurt goes away. I’m waiting for love from the right person, for peace, for happiness.

It’s been a long while I am free. Almost alone, stranded, nowhere to go standing like a tall tree. It’s been all about waiting, my life, my knife, my wait, never ends. I hope it all ends one day when I’m going to become one, with my life and death, when I finally sleep.

What do you wait for?

Leave a comment ❤

Molayo x